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Thread: Struggling with epic win

  1. #11


    Hello Tekaila!

    Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, that is sound advice - an action that takes effort and considerable use of your skills, something that you can make happen if you work hard enough. I have been reading about setting goals and I have learned that it is also important to choose something that you would feel awesome about, something that gives you energy when you think about achieving it, that inspires you. My problem is that I have difficulty deciding which goal to pursue. I would be overjoyed if I could run again, but considering my current physical status that goal is too high on the possibility scale for me right now. I could settle for aiming at a certain distance or period of time for cycling, but that does not inspire me as much. Building certain good daily habits would be helpful for me in improving my health, but I know it works best if you keep it small and do it every day, and small daily habits do not inspire me enough either. Maybe I can change my perspective about it, I know that it is the small and consistent behaviour that makes the most difference after a while.

    By the way, in another post I saw that you have been playing for a long time, too! I wonder how many other people are out there who kept playing through the years. Some of them are my allies, but there must be others out there like you that I never heard of! I think long time players can offer different insights into the game, because in order to play it this long, you must have found your own way of playing it. I know I don't stick by "the rules" (such as they are) but shape the game constantly to what suits me best at that moment. Anyway, good to hear from you!
    All the best,

    Lilac

  2. #12


    You're right. Sometimes you could take a look at the bad guys you have on the list that you just can't seem to get rid of or powerups you wish you did more often. That could help generate some ideas. I like to start by day dreaming about the statement "I wish I could...." and go from there.

    And you're right, I've totally learned to make the game my own. I focus a lot of little life goals and overcoming my long term illness. I also incorperate religion into aspects of my emotional well being because I really didn't now where else to put it but I knew it was important. As long as you stick to the basics I think you can go in whatever direction you want haha. best of luck

  3. #13
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    As I've said elsewhere, I thought for decades that I had to be perfect, to be merely adequate. It's a hangover of my abuse. Given that and the fact that I was raised with 2 geniuses in the house and the abuser also convinced me that I was stupid, my goals were sky-high.

    Probably the best thing I learned was that conceptual goals, like "be happy" are so nebulous, you never get there. One of the huge failures of my early therapy was that it was all a feedback loop and amorphous things like "Be happy." One of the few things which really changed my life was realizing I had to have something the mental health profession seemed unwilling to give me, that is CONCRETE AND POSITIVE steps I could take to make myself feel better.

    Figure out what works for you. For decades my internal epic win would have been "don't hurt," because I was in chronic emotional pain. After diagnosis and a lot of work, one day I realized I didn't hurt the same way any more. I stopped beating myself up about the chronic pain when I found out it was part of the PTSD. That knowledge and a lot of work on concrete and practical pieces dealing with the PTSD did the trick.

    So an incremental epic win can be a concrete and positive step you can take towards the bigger, amorphous goal.

    I was a hoarder for a lot of good reasons, most directly related to my abuse. My epic win for a long time was "get to where I can walk across my living room." Very concrete. These days, it's working on the three books and 2 articles I have in process. I'm reluctant to finish the books or submit the articles, as they will "take my emotional clothes off in public." Overcoming that shyness is my new goal. I need to celebrate my successes instead of being afraid of what others will say. To that end, I have recently joined a few storytelling groups. I am participating more in my writing group. I am actively looking for ways to try to push in the direction I want to go -- in concrete and positive ways. Joining the storytelling groups was quite a step out of my comfort zone btw, I think of myself as a writer and editor, not a speaker! But I made myself go and I've kept going.

  4. #14


    great ideas!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilac sings! View Post
    Hi all,

    So I've been playing this game since 2012 and I've had my share of epic wins, but I still find it hard to put a good goal up there. When you are a perfectionist and a procrastinator, it can take FOREVER to write something down and you're never satisfied with it.
    I have tried many different approaches. Putting a Legendary Win up there, something that is your ultimate goal in life (become happier and healthier or something like that), though inspiring to look at, ultimately gets you down because you can never achieve it. Multi-pronged wins, e.g. "Become healthier by 1) exercising three times weekly, 2) eating two pieces of fruit every day and 3) going to bed at ten p.m. every night for four weeks" seem really clear but they ask for too many habit changes in one fell swoop and again, you are bound to fail and be disappointed in yourself. So far the best thing that worked for me are single focus, measurable goals, like "running for 30 mins" (I tend not to put a timeframe on achieving the goals as part of my being kind to myself - if I do, I will quickly feel overwhelmed and abandon the project).
    Now, as I see it, we are always working on improvement in several areas at once. I find it very hard to choose a priority (same goes for to-do lists, by the way). I want to do it all at the same time. But you will make the best progress if you focus on one thing. A kind of mindful goal-orientation, if you like. So, I have several things I want to work on, and I am working on a mind map to get it all on paper, with the aim to choose one area in particular and focus on that.
    But I have also been considering as series of small habit-building epic wins of one month each, of changing one small thing on a daily basis for four weeks, and then moving on, or rather adding, another small change. It may give me a boost to finally achieve some epic wins, instead of changing and tweaking them forever and never achieving them. But if I do that, where will my big goals go? I need to keep working on those, too, and they will be out of sight, but not out of mind, and distract me. Ugh, I can't decide. I could start using HabitRPG for the habit changes, but I don't think I have room in my life for another self-improvement game.
    Sorry about the rant. There is not really a question here, but I am interested to hear other people's thoughts about and experiences with creating a good epic win. It just goes to show that you can play this game for years and still struggle with some of the basics. Or perhaps it only shows that I tend to make life difficult for myself, when I should just lighten up a little! Thanks for listening,

    Lilac
    Lilac, this was immensely helpful! I couldn't get started on this site right away, because I had to mind map the whole concept first. I have never played an online game, so it was all a mental challenge for me. You have created a lot of useful clear ideas and now I feel supported and knowledgeable to create good Epic Wins. You don't have to thank ME for listening -- it's a gift to get your information!

  5. #15


    Hey Melanie, I am glad that my thoughts were helpful to you. Really, I was just rambling on about the way I try to structure my own game. I've yet to finish that mind map I was talking about... Oh well, we play on.
    All the best,

    Lilac

  6. #16


    This thread was extremely helpful to me in finding a good Epic Win! Thanks Lilac sings! ans all those that replied!

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