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Thread: Connection

  1. #1
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    Connection

    Hi, Everyone,

    I am feeling sad and isolated, and I am needing connection.

    This week I was intentionally hit in the chest with a fist by a total stranger while walking in my neighborhood, and it has been very painful. I did not know that being hit hurts so much. Plus, I seem to be hurting inside emotionally, too. I am trying to get clearly in touch with what I am feeling, which seems to elude me. I am trying to make sense of this.

    I filed a police report and went to the doctor for X-rays, since I felt like something inside me had been crushed, but they found no broken bones. I suppose I am fortunate that it was not worse, but I do not feel fortunate. I am elderly, and it has been hard to move, and I feel -- ah, I feel in pain and impotent, since I am needing safety and effectiveness.

    Mrs. Polifax would have neatly sidestepped the blow and incapacitated the assailant with one sure stroke! Heh, heh! That feels better.

    If anyone is reading this, I would appreciate a few words of empathy. How would anyone suggest this could be handled in SB?

  2. #2
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    I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am not surprised that the emotional pain feels crushing.

    Firstly, an achievement! Well done for taking care of yourself and getting x-rays.

    While I'm at it, a second achievement for reaching out. I'm really glad you did. We're here for you.

    I think WWMPD could be a new power up for you (What Would Mrs Polifax Do?). Amuse yourself with plenty of fun ways she could have avoided the attack, or ways she might manage these painful feelings.

    If you meditate, could you do some loving-kindness meditations? It sounds like you need some support from yourself, and perhaps the stages where you send loving-kindness out into the world might bring you some peace.

    Take it easy, build back up to normal activity slowly, and when you are ready. And take comfort in how many allies there are, all working to get Superbetter.

    Natalie

  3. #3


    How horrible that someone would do such a thing! I'm going to echo what Sunmoonstars said. You did great by taking care of yourself and going to the doctor. Also, by seeking justice and filing a police report.

    When you were walking in your neighborhood, was it for exercise or out of necessity? Could you find a walking buddy to walk with in the future? Or maybe see if there are any nearby rec centers where you could do your exercising.

    Good luck to you. You are stronger than you know.

  4. #4
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    Hello, Everyone,

    Thank you so much for your response to my post, Natalie (Sunmoonstars).

    Your achievements and ideas are very nourishing for me. Acknowledging what I have done to care for myself is a good way to remember my resourcefulness, which is a strength. I include here not only seeing the doctor, and reaching out for support, but also immediately removing myself from the perpetrator and calling the police to stay safe. I did not know whether I might still be in danger, so it was the first thing I did.

    WWMPD sounds like a fun power up. I felt so much better empowering myself with that fantasy. I am totally against violence, but it sure felt good to DO something (even in fantasy) and not keep feeling impotent and victimized.

    Your empathy means a lot. Yes, it feels crushing emotionally, since I am needing safety, security, autonomy, choice, respect, kindness, caring, consideration, humanity, and warmth. I like your idea of sending loving kindness into the world as a way to heal myself.

    I have some fear and have not felt emotionally comfortable walking in my area again since the assault. It has been physically hard to move due to pain. Building back slowly to what my body and mind can handle sounds like what I am instinctively doing. Thanks for reminding me that it is important to take the time I need to heal.

    While I have improved quite a bit, I still hurt, and it is wearing. It is remarkable how everything is connected together in my body. For instance, I cannot lift much because of the pain. Also, it is hard to move because anything I do affects my chest muscles. Since my chest hurts, i cannot use it much, so my back seems to do too much, and then my back hurts. I have to be careful in every movement, since I automatically move as I usually did, which I cannot do, since it hurts, so I am constantly reinjuring myself. It hurts to hurt. I get tired more easily. I am NOT wanting to hurt any more. I seem to be crying inside. My heart somehow feels broken.

    I am listening to this, letting it be there, acknowledging it as it is. I often put my hands on my chest to warm it and console it. I think I may need to let myself rest more. This is a trauma.

    One of the worst parts of this is that, even though I know better, I feel as if I must have done something very wrong to have been this badly hurt by another person on purpose -- as if it is my fault. I know people do not "deserve" to be hurt, no matter what they did or did not do. I certainly do not endorse blaming the victim. I believe I have read about this phenomenon. Emotionally, i perceive this assault as a punishment, so I think I must have been "bad." I come from a family in which I was virtually never punished, but it still seems to affect me. It is a bewildered feeling of what did I do that could be this bad? This is malarkey. I did nothing. I was attacked. I need a counteracting power-up antidote for this poison.

    I am grateful for your kindness and humanity and compassion in responding, Sunmoonstars. I need that connection right now.You have also given me some very good ideas for how to move this into SB and work gently with myself to recover at my own speed. This encourages me.

    Thank you, Warrior Queen. I was writing this while you were postng. Now I have seen your post, and I appreciate it. I know, it is hard to beiieve this happened. Besides the pain, it is a shock to be hurt by a total stranger. I did not want to say nothing and imply that hurting me is okay. The only way not do that was to file a police report. I wanted justice in the sense that I could not remain silent when harmed. I needed to protest. Yet I need another choice between making no protest OR damaging already troubled people in the courts and jails. This is confusing. How do I effectively protest being hurt in a gratifying way without being hurtful myself? I need a radical revision of the justice system. I want a form of justice that is effective and gratifying and also does not involve me in perpetrating further misery. Thanks for helping me clarify that to myself.

    I would be glad of responses to this thread. I am needing to feel the supportive and comforting presence of others right now.

    MM

  5. #5
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    Hi, again, Warrior Queen,

    I regret that I overlooked some of your comments, since I appreciate your post. I will respond now.

    I was walking by choice for exercise and enjoyment. I tried for quite awhile to find walking buddies because I would have enjoyed that, but I was unsuccessful. I also tried established walking groups, but the natural areas where they walk are not near public transportation, so I could not get there. Taking rides with others I do not know seems even more risky than walking in my neighborhood. Indoor exercise is not what I am seeking, since I enoy being outside to walk, but it is an option, although a costly one for me. I was once chased by a dog and badly frightened in a pretty residential area, so since then I walk on main streets where residents keep dogs safe behind a fence. This limits my enjoyment since it is not the most natural, peaceful, quiet environment, but I still appreciate my walks.

    It is very puzzling what to do. This experience has raised these conflicts. How can I be safe in the world now? Is this an isolated incident, or is caution realistic and necessary? Shall I readjust my life in order to protect myself from future possible violence? Shall I let another person have the power to restrict my vital needs for autonomy, choice, and independence? How much restriction is too much? Is my safety more important than my autonomy?

    Your atavar is compelling, Warrior Queen! Can you tell me where you found it?

    MM

  6. #6
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    Mighty Mouse, how horrible! If you have a friend/neighbor who likes or needs exercise, ask them to walk with you. I love the power up WWMPD too! I wish we lived closer, I'd love to walk with you.

  7. #7
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    Hi, Judy,

    What a companionable thought to be walking buddies. I would, like that, too.

    I love to walk, especially around clear water. We have a local park here with a small lake, and I have really enjoyed walking around the lake when I have rarely been able to get there with a friend. I would love to be able to get there independently on my own. It is only about 7 miles from me, but a long bus trip. I can get to that area in 1.5 hours on two buses. Then I have to get from the closest bus stop to the park, which is too far for me to walk. There is no bus that goes there, so I cannot get there.

    Before my car broke down, when I used to drive, I regularly went for an afternoon to a large beautiful reservoir where there is boating and camping and parks. It was so renewing to do that. Although that is much further from me than my local park, the drive was less than an hour. For about 10 consecutive years, I regularly went every year to Yosemite Valley. I cannot do that now, and I miss these things. I am probably suffering from that debilitating condition, ANSDD (Acute Natural Space Deprivation Disorder). I say that a bit wryly, but it is really a loss.

  8. #8
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    Hi, Everyone.

    I appreciate your responses. I seem to have a great need to connect since this assault..Recovering is slow. Today I went out to Starbucks for a decaf mocha, my favorite, as a way to comfort myself and relax. That is about all I got done today, except that I did a little cooking and had my Focusing Clear Calm Decisions on-line class today. It is a class working with emotions, and we did some experiences that brought up tears for me, which relieved me. I am feeling vulnerable and seem to be grieving at times since the assault.

  9. #9
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    Hi, Everyone,

    I am still working my way through the effects of this assault.

    Today I was at Starbucks again, and my chest was hurting so much. I have been listening to or sensing something in me that is hurting, and acknowledging it's pain, letting it know I hear it, and I am keeping my hand on my chest, sometimes both hands. It seems to help, like I am accompanying and warming the hurt place.

    Then I noticed something else arising in me. At first I tended to ignore it, but then I realized that was something else in me needing attention, so I turned toward it. I am learning that things that seem like a distraction can actually be exactly what needs attention.

    This part of me seemed to be feeling impatient or irritated at the part of me that was hurting. I kept sensing and listening to it, and then I could sense that it was NOT wanting to hurt any more. Ahh, that was it! It was NOT wanting to hurt any more! When I heard that, I started to cry and cry and cry. I was in so much pain in my body, and I did not want to hurt any more, and I did not know what to do to stop hurting.

    It was more than that, too. This assault was emotionally hurting me because a total stranger did this to me intentionally, and it is a shock that someone could do that. Also, there are unrelated things in my life that have been emotionally hurting me for years, and I do not know what to do to stop emotionally hurting. All that was included in NOT wanting to hurt any more. Having been physically harmed seemed to get through to me how much it is hurting me to be emotionally harmed and how much I am NOT wanting that.

    I was crying and crying and hurting about this and feeling how much I was hurting and was NOT wanting to be hurting. It was strange to be crying at Starbucks, but It needed to come out.

    I felt a lot better after that even though nothing was particularly solved. I felt very relieved. My body was even not hurting as much. It seemed like the emotional and physical aspects of me were really not separate but were inseparable aspects of the same thing.

    Although I still hurt, I can tell that gradually the acuteness and extent of the pain is lessening. It is still painful to move at times. For instance, I cannot lift things, and I cannot open bottles. This involves my chest muscles and is too painful. But other things that hurt at first are getting easier. For instance, I could not move myself on my bed because I needed to press down with my arms to get the leverage, and that triggered such agony in my chest it could not be done. Now it can be done, if I am careful and go slowly.

    I had no idea it hurt so much to be physically assaulted. I would like to hear from anyone who would like to comment. It really helps me right now to connect with compassionate people.

  10. #10
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    Mighty Mouse, Hope you're still getting better!

    Judi

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