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Thread: Connection

  1. #11
    Fought a few battles
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    California USA
    Posts
    70


    Hi, Judy,

    I am grateful to hear from you. Thanks so much for asking.

    The pain is letting me go, tendril by tendril, so it is like a large oval of pain around me that is gradually diminishing in size. It is not gone, and my chest is still hurting, but it is better. Nonetheless, I seem to be more aggravated about it. I am so tired of hurting.

    I have had some difficult other things in my life, and I am noticing that they are having a huge effect on me in terms of my recovery. They seem to be bringing me down and making this worse. And another odd thing is happening. I was feeling very much connected with myself when I was hurting more, because I was right there with it, but as it diminishes, I cannot quite find that connection now. That may be related to these other things that are affecting me so strongly. I have some sad and lost and helpless, hopeless feelings about them, and a lot of exhaustion and even backaches, and that could be very hard on my recovery.

    I have been using hot showers as power ups for my pain, and they are wonderful, and I feel much better for awhile after I do that. But it is still a work in progress. I was able to find a neighbor who walked with me last Sunday, and it was the first time I had walked in the same area where I was assaulted. I could not do it alone after that, but we will do it again together tomorrow. This support helps.

  2. #12
    Fought a few battles
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    California USA
    Posts
    70


    Hi, Everyone,

    Unfortunately my neighbor could not walk with me today, but it was a nice sunny warm day here, and since I was ready to go walking, I went by myself. Yes, this is the first time I have walked alone in the same area where I was assaulted. I was tense and watchful at first. I noticed my surroundings and took care to look for the motor home of the person who assaulted me, but thankfully I did not see it. As time passed, even though I had planned to be alert, I intermittently forgot to be worried about it, and I had a nice walk. I passed people walking who had kids with them, and I felt friendly and not afraid. I may be a little bit uneasy still for awhile, but I found that I can still take my walk by myself and enjoy it. I have not been ruined by this assault experience. I can still be me and can still think of other people as good people. I think this is a real victory.

  3. #13
    New to the hero world
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Posts
    9


    Hey mighty mouse,

    That's not just a victory, it's bigger. Getting back in the saddle, so to speak, is always the hardest part. And you just took that hurdle, all by yourself!
    You just vanquished a really bad guy.
    Don't forget to treat yourself for it. Do some thing that makes you feel relaxed.
    How is your pain? Are you feeling any better?

  4. #14
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    North
    Posts
    324
    Blog Entries
    1


    MM,

    Bravo! I think you did good! What you did was hard, both with the friend and without. Hope you recover entirely and the bully who did this to you gets caught.

    So proud of you!
    Judi

  5. #15
    Fought a few battles
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    California USA
    Posts
    70


    Thanks, BlueEnergy girl and Judi, and Hi, Everyone,

    I appreciate your follow up! Quite a bit of improvement now in the pain. At times it is gone. Then I move, and ouch! It is still tender, and once it gets triggered by movements, I seem to get reinjured, and it aches for awhile. Hot showers are heavenly! I stand right under the water and let my chest get warmed up and soothed and almost numbed. Such a great pleasure.

    For the last week or so, I have been very tired, even more than earlier. I haven't slept too well for quite awhile. The whole thing has been a wearing ordeal. Now that I am getting better, I seem to be noticing how tired I am. I am doing only what is necessary and letting myself rest. Thankfully, I am not hurting as much now.

    I have not gone walking again in the same area. I have been feeling anxious about doing that. I have walked the other way, but I feel reluctant to walk in the place the assault happened. This week I want to make another start on this. I do not want to be hard on myself about starting again too soon,, since it has been a trauma and is naturally frightening, but I want to keep trying and get back into it as soon as I can. I love to walk.

    Hope you all are doing well!

  6. #16
    Fought a few battles
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    California USA
    Posts
    70


    Hi, Everyone,

    Here is a link to another post of mine with a photo. When you get to the page for this link, you will need to click another link you will see there to view the photo. This is a photo of a bouquet I created.

    https://forums.superbetter.com/showt...44-My-Creation

    The bouquet was for the lady at CVS who called the police for me when I was assaulted last month. I was very grateful for her help and safe harbor when I was battered and in pain. I presented the bouquet and a card to her today, and it was gratifying to do that.

    I bought three groups of flowers to make this bouquet: yellow chrysanthemums, white chrysanthemums, and baby's breath. I did not have a vase, so I improvised with a yogurt tub. I covered it with computer paper, and I made a colorful design on the paper. Then I covered the tub with the transparent envelope that came with the flowers. I like it!

    It has been six weeks last night since the assault, and I want to let you know how I am doing. I am still tired, and I do still have pain when I lift things, or when I do not get much sleep, or when I make a sudden or unusual movement. Otherwise, I feel better now. Tje pain in my chest where I was hit is no longer botnering me as a usual thing. A piece of good news is that I have been able to walk again tnis week in the area where I was assaulted for three days in a row. The watchfulness and anxiety do recur, but when they see that all is secure, they fade away

    I would say this passage of my life is essentially over and all is well again.

    I learned so much by staying with my process and just letting it be what it was, not what it was supposed to be, or what I wished it were, or what anyone said it should be, but what it was. I almost constantly put my hand on the place that hurt and kept it company, and I let it know I heard how much it was hurting. Doing that was very nurturing, physically and emotionally, to the hurt place in me. I formed a compassionate bond with myself by doing this. Tonight I was thinking about this and wondering whether I felt glad the assault happened, so I could have this experience. Perhaps that is going too far, since I would not wish this experience on anyone, but something positive definitely came out of this.

  7. #17


    Hi Mighty Mouse - thinking of some ways you could connect with others while increasing your emotional and physical strength after your assault. First up, I can certainly see how something like this would leave you severely rattled. It would definitely be a traumatic experience, and the randomness of it has its own emotional complexities.

    Regarding the intensity of the physical pain, there could have been soft tissue injury that can't be detected by X-rays. Just because nothing showed up on the images doesn't mean there wasn't ligament, cartilage, muscle damage, or serious bruising. All of those things take time to heal. The physical pain you are still experiencing isn't a sign of mental or physical weakness - it just means that you were hurt and are healing.

    One thing I thought of regarding the physical healing, would you be open to a new form of exercise such as Tai Chi? Martial arts had a formative and strengthening effect on me, and Tai Chi might be ideal for your condition. It's gentle but still strengthening, does have some practical defense aspects to it (even just developing more body awareness and confidence can be big), can be adapted for different physical needs and conditions, is generally done with a group of people, AND many Tai Chi groups practice outdoors which would help you get into nature. If you speak to the instructor and let him/her know of the severity of the pain in your chest, they will help you modify the exercises. It would be something new to try that could help with many parts of healing.

    Another one, in terms of connecting with others and releasing the emotions going on with your trauma, might there be any support groups in your area for people who have experienced some form of physical assault, especially survivors of random assaults? Meeting with others who went through something similar to you could help you find connection with others who can completely empathize with and support you. You, in turn, can help support them as well.

    Both of these suggestions would require a bit of research and digging around on your part, but that could help you get your mind moving forward and get you into a Growth Mindset, like J. McGonagal spoke about in Superbetter. It would be a form of positive action instead of rumination.

  8. #18


    Hi Mighty Mouse -- just commented on your bouquet thread and didn't realize there was a backstory. It's even more beautiful now. <3 lots of love.

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